Negotiating compensation is different from negotiation for a new car or a new house. One difference: You won’t be sitting in an office down the hall from the car salesman or real estate broker once the deal closes. Another difference: Compensation for your labor is one of the more sensitive topics in your career and life. It can affect your self-worth directly. Physical and mental efforts are sources of pride and can hold deep personal significance. “Am I seen? Am I respected? Am I valued?”

There is no one-size-fits-all formula for negotiating compensation. Beware of short-term “get-rich-quick” thinking. Compensation negotiations are often sophisticated and should be treated on a case-by-case basis. The devil is in the details. That being said, here are four general tips:

1. Check for completeness. When checking for completeness, the key is to search for components of total compensation packages that are not included in the offer that you’ve received. Having the discipline to check an outside population of information leads to optimization of your compensation package. Resist the temptation to immediately begin negotiating the components of the initial offer. Ask yourself: “What do I want that is NOT in here?” Let’s take bonuses for example. Here are 10 types: performance, promotion, stay-on, employee referral, client referral, minimum guaranteed, target, spot, project completion and meritorious. There are more. Let’s take reimbursement as another example. Here are four types: tuition, licensure fee, continuing professional education (CPE) and executive coaching. There are more. Bonus and reimbursement are only two variables of a compensation package. Do this exercise for all variables.

2. Prioritize.  When prioritizing components, think, “Which component of the package is the most important to me?” Then, “Which is the second-most important?” And so on. To truly rank priorities, components must be listed in order of priority. Have the patience to continue to contemplate, “What is meaningful to me?” In a negotiation, not all components of a compensation package will be of equal weight to you. So, prioritize. 

3. Beware of happy ears. It’s natural to become excited when interviewing for a new opportunity. It’s normal to be eager when you’re on the doorstep of a promotion and the compensation increase that comes with it. This excitement and eagerness can produce something called “happy ears.” This refers to our ears hearing what they want to hear, not necessarily what was actually said. Happy ears are overly optimistic and can cause false expectations.

A healthy check on happy ears is to request that all components of offers be put in writing. If the company won’t put certain components of the offer in writing, be proactive and type up an email with your understanding of the offer and of the job itself. Send the email to your point person at the company. Then, ask for an in-person meeting or a phone call with them to verbally confirm, in good faith, that both parties are on the same page about the components that they didn’t put in writing. This in-person meeting or phone call presents the chance to close any gaps in interpretation and understanding.

Incorporating written communication and follow-up mitigates the risk of happy ears during compensation negotiation turning into regret or resentment if you accept an offer and start a new job that doesn’t meet your compensation standards.

4. Ask good, direct questions. An example of a good question is, "Which components of the package have the most flexibility?" Another example is, "How can we get creative and increase the offer?" 

If the response from the prospective or current employer feels condescending or rushed, you may be negotiating with an arrogant, disorganized or unworthy counterparty. Plan next steps accordingly, which could include making them a simple offer to table the discussions and possibly revisit them in the future. When tabling, a next step could include evaluating your career options more broadly.